Have you recently lost a special someone? Has your parent, grandparent, sibling, child, relative or friend recently died? Are you overcome with despair? Want to know how to cope with your loss effectively? Below are three stages (no religious or spiritual orientation necessary) each requiring a change of attitude that I’d like you to adopt when mourning for a dearly someone.
If you’ve lost someone you love, it’s completely normal to be distraught. Allow yourself some time to grieve. Don’t hold back your tears and don’t try to suppress your emotions. Cry, yell, hit the wall, smash a few plates, do whatever helps diffuse your anger, sadness, hopelessness and other negative emotions. Grief as much as you need until the funeral is over.
Accept & let go.
At the funeral and while your beloved person is being buried, it immediately becomes time for you to accept the situation and let go of your loss. Say your last prayer and bid farewell to the deceased as their coffin gets lowered into where we all came from and shall return to – the Earth.
Upon exiting the graveyard, make a conscious effort to leave all remaining grief behind. Don’t try to forget but let go, there is a difference. The former means to suppress, the latter is to accept. Deeply realise that the person you’ve lost is gone forever. You cannot change the past so it’s pointless to blame yourself thinking you or anyone else could have done something about it. You are powerless against life and that’s ok. You’ve mourned enough and paid respect to the death of your beloved by organising or attending a funeral – this ancient and universally accepted way of parting with the dead.
Go back to work.
After the funeral, you must return to your normal routine and adapt to the absence of your beloved person. You must go back to work even if there is still grieving left to do. You must continue doing the hobbies you love or take up new activities. This stage isn’t about erasing the memory of your loss. It’s about appreciating the life you have left and spending it in the most meaningful and productive way. It’s time to relearn being happy and move on.
Life on Earth has existed for millions of years and it won’t be ending anytime soon. You are lucky if you are alive so take this opportunity to grow yourself, develop your potential, make the world better and carry on spreading love and happiness around. There was a time a special someone had an impact on you, now it’s your turn to make a difference in someone else’s life.